Be my Valentine: navigating workplace romance

With our social lives severely curtailed at present, for many people their only regular human interaction is with their work colleagues. This may lead to employees being more open and unguarded with each other, resulting in a deepening of relationships from just colleagues into real friendships. But what happens when this tips over into something more? Employees might think they are safe from the dangers of an office romance when screens and social distancing are in place, but in fact these barriers can often heighten any romantic feelings – giving you a ‘star-crossed lovers’ complex that might ordinarily have fizzled out after one or two real dates!

There are no laws against workplace romances, but some employers choose to ‘ban’ or discourage these due to the potential problems they can cause. In particular, romances between junior and senior colleagues tend to be especially frowned upon, because they create a power imbalance. The more senior colleague could be seen as taking advantage of their junior colleague, or conversely giving them special treatment – it certainly wouldn’t be appropriate for someone to line manage their partner, for example. But even relationships between equals can cause issues.

Most people are sensible enough not to show public displays of affection to their significant other in the workplace, but without realising it they will naturally treat this person differently. Whether this is being extra helpful to that person, or even extra unhelpful to ‘prove’ they are being professional, it can be galling for other colleagues to see an obvious imbalance in the way that they interact with a team who are all meant to be equal. Similarly, while most of us would know not to have a blazing row in front of our colleagues, it can be difficult to cover up the simmering resentment we feel when things are not going well in our relationship, and this can make an uncomfortable working environment for everyone.

Of course, just as relationship issues can affect working relationships, the reverse is true, and couples can end up taking their professional disagreements home with them. In effect, couples who work and live together have double the amount of things to argue about! Even just the sheer amount of time you end up spending together can cause problems – as everyone who has been stuck working from home with their partner for the best part of a year can attest!

So if you are intending to embark upon an office romance, or are the manager or HR manager of a couple, what can you do to head off any issues before they start? Well, firstly you need to check if the workplace rules actually allow for relationships – if not then someone is probably going to need to find another job! If relationships are allowed, couples should agree in advance how they would handle the potential consequences of their relationship, and as awkward as it sounds, managers or HR professionals may want to have a conversation about their expectations too. The key, as in any relationship, is to keep an open dialogue so that any problems can be solved calmly and rationally.

While no-one wants to deny their colleagues the chance to find their one true love, it’s important to ensure that workplace romances don’t end up becoming a major problem for everyone. And on that note, if you receive a Valentine from a colleague this year, remember to double check that they’re single before responding…!